Da Stahz

Whale, to start off, I've been quiteee busy recently and thought I would have more time to do this reflection walk (preferably when i was light out), buuut I didn't but that's okay.  Instead I sort of went on a late night adventure with my brother to the park and we got to shoot some pics of stars and them he let me edit them when we got home.  Being a hormonal teenage girl, I often contemplate life on a daily basis and have done many of my own reflections here and there.  I tend to reflect better with other people because if it's just me, I tend to lose focus and somehow end up crying.  So this was good to chat with ma bro.   

My "photography robot" (that's what Matthew called himself) let me be the "Artistic Director" and tell him what to do and he would set up the camera and then I would snap the 30 second long picture and see if it turned our alright.  This gave me some time to think and, really, the only thing I could think about was how blessed I am.  I sometimes get so tired of saying that, like it sounds like I'm just using the cliche answer, but I truly cannot express the overwhelming blessings that God has poured out.  I don't understand why I get to experience life in this light or why someone else has to suffer.  When I look at all my blessings, the biggest thing it makes me want to do is help others.  I want others to experience life to the fullest and just make it as enjoyable as possible.  

Okay.  I am going to talk about some things that I never really voiced before because I was always too scared of being judged.  So, as getting over my fear of man was one of my main resolutions, here I go!...
Sometimes I get really, really sad randomly during the day when I think about how people live without God.  I just honestly don't know if I could get through a day knowing that God is always by my side and constantly talking to Him and asking Him to help and lead me.  I always think about this, and how badly I want our school to know Jesus personally, because I just don't understand how anyone can get through life without Him.  There are times when I wish I wasn't the chaplain because I feel it inhibits my ability to communicate with other students how I feel-that they'll just say things like "Oh, she's just saying that cause she has to since she's the chaplain".  No. I truly, honestly feel sooo passionately about an individual's personal relationship with God and I don't know what to do.  I get so frustrated when I feel like there's nothing I can do or that people won't listen to me.  I admit that I really haven't been put through times where my faith is questioned due to circumstances, and I feel that this has inhibited the relativity of my testimony and desires for others.  Probably half of these things that run through my head are lies from the enemy, but they are so strong, I don't know how to deny them.  So I guess, in short, one of my goals is to live fearlessly and passionately, not letting fear of man or the lies of Satan hold me back.
Whew, I did it.

Wow, yeah.  The stars are gorgeous right? haha I feel like I haven't even talked about them... But stars are probably one of my favorite things to look at, so I'm really glad I got to take some pictures and whatnot.
I wonder, what does life look like in the eyes of another person.  I wish we could all switch places for a day and just see how others think and how they interpret different situations.  Just a thought.

Wowwwwwww I spent too much time on this.... Good thing I took a 3 hour nap in the car earlier... But I guess I just wanted to close by saying thanks, Mrs. Myers, for assigning this and I had a very productive (in a different sense) reflection time and really have some things in mind I need to work on and goals I would like to accomplish before the year ends.  It's hard to believe that the next time we'll be making New Year's Resolutions we'll be in college... ahhhhhh not readyyy... but grah! Yeah, live life in the moment and work hard for the future, yes? I will try my best to do these things and am praying for the best for the rest of y'all!

Gracias Por...

The curious birdy that keeps our life so funny and exciting.  He's like a puppy. 

Family games and competition.  For learning new things and laughing together. 

The beauty of nature and God's creation.

Sweet treats and time spent with my brothers and cousins.  Thank the Lord for dessert. 

The way my dad takes pictures :)  The way parents provide with love and concern.

Creativity and all that one is able to accomplish.  

Shopping with your bro and being silly together.  And for Black Friday sales. And no tax.  Go Portland!

Familiar faces in new contexts :) Family parties are only growing.

Roses. Enough said.

New additions to the family! For adorable puppies who melt your heart <3 We love Rembert!

The Source: A Shakespearean Sonnet

The sun shines from the galaxy above,

And Lo! The stars submit to its great light. 

Displayed as endless grace just like a dove

Released in freedom to the air in flight. 

Yet in the midst of light does darkness hide,

Deceiving those we cannot find the source. 

Confusion overtakes their weary minds:

Abandoned, roaming in the misty forr'st

To guide, protect, to love through good and bad,

To help us when the way cannot be found. 

The light redeems all fears and failures had

And to His name their lives will then be bound. 

So how can we show them just how to find

The Ruler and the Savior of mankind?

Don't Kill the Messenger

I am not the first to be concerned about being the bearer of bad news.  As the blind prophet, here solely to serve "our king and benefactor" (154), I come to offer my counsel as I receive messages from above. I have never once led him astray and he has "so far steered a steady course (152).  Oh, Creon! How he must have fallen to resort to such behavior as this!  I had previously warned him as well, cautioning that he stood "on razor's edge (152), yet he proceeded to deny the divination I received, too stubborn and proud to listen to the voice of the gods! It is not me who declares these words! "..all men fall into sin.  But sinning, he is not for ever lost/hapless and helpless, who can make amends and has not set his face against repentance. Only a fool is governed by self-will" (153).  My words are only to help Creon, not offend him (153).  Why doesn't he understand this?

Creon, how I wish he considered my message.  Instead, he claimed "my divination false" (154).  He even attacked my position as prophet, and I am now inclined to believe that "all kings...seek gain unrighteously (154).  I tried to warn him again and again. Teiresias, his trusted counselor!  I had hoped it would not come revealing the tragic prophecy I had heard, but alas, he would not heed the divine guidance.  At that point it wast too late and all was lost.  Nothing could alter this.  "The gods themselves [could not] do it" (155).  Creon, our king, brought this upon himself.  There was nothing more I could do as a counselor and nothing more our leader wanted to hear.  Now the entire city and "neighboring city will be goaded to fury against [him], for upon them too the pollution falls when the dogs and vultures bring defilement of blood to their hearths and altars" (155).  This is one case where I desire to say I could be mistaken, but the gods have revealed this to me, and that is how it shall be.

Passive-Agressive

Everyone has seen her; walking the halls with her shoulders slightly slumped, eyes fixed on the ground, a small smirk on her lips.  Everyone has heard her speak; sharing devotionals, praying for the school, in an awkward but heartwarming manner.  Everyone has heard her name; the well-known name that all feel the need to shout out rapidly: “KU-MA-SA-KA!”

That day was no different than the others; she drowsily journeyed from class to class, trying not to let her head droop for too long.  She quietly and studiously scribbled notes on a scratch piece of paper, worried she wouldn't remember anything the next day.  Her eyes lit up suddenly as she conversed with those she loves.  That’s what gets her through each day.  She laughed and giggled, like many girls do, but then there were moments when she seemed totally removed from the world, staring off into space, vital information going in one ear, then out the other.  Eyes fixated on the floor, her whole face seemed downcast and dejected.  Yet when a friend came up and asked “Are you okay?” she brushed it off and says with a smile, “Oh, yeah! I’m just tired”.    Immediately after doing so, she quickly turned away, mentally kicking herself for lying to the ones who mean the most her, but she never ends up bringing up the subject again. 

At 2:45 she let out a long sigh as the last chime of the bell sounds in each class.  Throngs of students poured out into the halls as she quickly becomes engulfed within the masses.  She slowly shuffled to her locker, maneuvering her way through the congested hallways.  Snatching her oversized bag, she trotted to the bathroom with dubstep in her head and a smile on her lips.  Game time. 

Sitting in the back of the room, she quietly observed her rowdy teammates while slowly eating her pregame meal.  She laughed with them, but always seemed removed from the whole scene, like an outsider looking in. 

She thoughtfully bandaged her fingers and ankles, carefully spreading ointment to protect her dry, cracked skin through the activity to come.  At 4:30, she plopped down on the cold bleachers, proceeding to shout out encouragements to the JV team, wondering if anyone really heard her.  This continued through their game, and they came out on top.  Now it was her turn.

Finally, her heart racing, she bursts through the tunnel of JV players, her face glowing with excitement, followed by her fellow teammates.  The lyrics “can’t hold us” blast over the speakers as that becomes her knew mindset.  Nothing can hold her back.  She comes alive in this art of a sport called volleyball.  With nonstop communication with her teammates, she yells out everything she sees as the team flows together like one unified unit.  Her timidity during the school day dissolves away as she strategically picks out the weak link in the line of passers on the opposing team.  She pinpoints the individual, takes a deep breath, and “ACE!” rings through the whole gym and she repeats the exhilarating process.  She serves the ball and the opponents pass it up and tip it over the two person block.  The passionate player sprawls out and hits the ground hard to pop the ball up, but misses.  She angrily smacks the ground as she gets up, fire in her eyes. 

As the team loses momentum and the game as well, she tries desperately to fire up her team to fight alongside her.  She rallies her teammates by giving a passionate pep talk and yelling at the top of her lungs as they cheer.  Unfortunately, the game was lost and the players, frustrated.  At the end of the night, our senior setter walks to the end line of the court to check out, leading her teammates, with her chin held high.

Brotherly Love: A Personal Statement in Progress

            As I plopped down to do my homework after an exhausting day full of school and sports, my brother cheerfully shuffled up to me with a light in his eyes.  I looked up to see him standing there, hands behind his back, trying to suppress a smile.  I was not in any mood to interact with him or even talk to anyone at that point and was going to tell him I had a lot of homework and things I had to do when he quickly pulled his hands from behind his back revealing a plush Pokémon character and five key chains of characters from the movie Totoro.  “I bought them from China for five dollars!” he exclaimed earnestly.  My mom sighed and laughed and proceeded to tell him that it is not necessary to announce details like that in the future.   I did not know what the Pokémon was, having not watched our favorite childhood television program in years, but it brought me great joy and a smile to my lips.  I gave him a hug and said thank you, and he sauntered away, humming some video game music.

            My older brother, Colby, was diagnosed with mild autism at a young age.  As his little sister, I did not fully understand what this meant until our later years growing up.  It does not affect him so much that you can tell just by looking at him that he has autism, but he has a difficult time discerning appropriate times for certain behaviors and picking up on unspoken social etiquette.  It hasn't been easy all the time, but he brings immense joy and variety into my family.

Throughout everything, he is always there.  Like constant in my life, he has always there to support me in everything I did ranging from dance recitals, to academic award assemblies, to the countless volleyball tournaments over these past five years.  No matter the outcome, he is always there to give me a pat on the shoulder and tell me “Great job Hannio”. 

His constant love has also shown me the most innocent heart that I have beheld, being torn and conflicted by the insensitive attitudes of those around him.  Without his sensitive spirit, I most likely would not have even noticed these small things such as harmful words that bother him so much.  His sensitivity has impacted me and I am now aware of the power of words and want to see the best in everyone, no matter what the circumstances.  I feel like I have been introduced to a whole new aspect of life that I wish more people could witness; but then come the hard days.

            I have a distinct memory in my mind of Colby sitting at the computer, staring at a blank Word Document for hours upon hours, trying to write an essay.  His condition made it especially challenging to express himself through words and analyze deeper implications in works of literature.  But year after year, he worked at it, and through countless hours of help from our Dad, he overcame his struggle and is now one of the most affluent writers I know.  The day he received a perfect score on an essay he wrote with absolutely no help was like a dream come true for our family.  By example, he has taught me to persevere through hardships and has shown me what hard work and dedication can do.  I desire to strive and succeed in whatever I do, using the gifts and abilities given to me to their full potential.

            Watching my brother struggle and flourish has softened my heart to care for those around me and has motivated me to work hard at everything I do. No matter what the outcome, I know that he, and my family, will always be there to affirm their love for me and say “Great job, Hanna”. 



Word Count: 647 :)
Please feel free to comment on anything to revise or fix, and even things you would want to see in this essay! Feedback would be very helpful. :)

Who Am I?

ISFJ

 I: 22%    S:1%    F:75%     J:1%

The "personality description" was surprisingly accurate and there were many things I do that I didn't realize, so that is good to keep tabs on from now on.  There were only two parts I didn't agree with (which I crossed out), but that's bound to happen in a quick little test like this.  Here are some of the descriptions which I felt very relevant to myself:


"ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life.

...although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well.
 Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem."


The only reason I disagreed with those two crossed out portions is because I personally did not agree with them; I don't expect a give-and-take relationship at all or feel an insatiable "need to be needed".  Also I would say that in I fight, I would be the first to rush in to protect a friend-no matter the circumstance.  That may be the oh so strong emotions motivating me or my disdain for disrespect.  Who knows, since I've never been in a fight before.

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But now on to the Affirmation Solicitations!!
First off, I just want to say thank you to those who filled these out as it was a great encouragement and very helpful.

5 of my words were:
1. Understanding
2. Genuine
3. Maturity
4. Humble
5. Perseverant

"Over the years, Hanna has shown tremendous growth in her personal development, spiritual life, and leadership capabilities.  She has a natural, yet uncanny, sense of adaptability; Hanna is able to observe and gather information about her surrounding, peer environment, and social climate and assess needs, both the needs of those around her and her own needs to flourish and succeed.  This is one trait that is foundational to her growth as a leader.  What really makes her stand out is her ability to come alongside people and partner with them, to see the best in everyone and highlight that.  In all that though, Hanna has such a pleasant and humble spirit and such a heart for service.  She is all too ready to deter praise and acknowledge her human limitations, but that doesn't stop her from loving on people, and I believe that is a very rare kind of confidence."

This little litany (hehe) especially touched me because the individual didn't know I was going to read this and just thought it was for my teachers.  He may or may not have freaked out a little when he found out I was going to read it, but I'm all the more appreciative of his words knowing he was being honest (I hope....).

Sorry this somehow became insanely long but I appreciate if you read all the way through!! :)