Gracias Por...

The curious birdy that keeps our life so funny and exciting.  He's like a puppy. 

Family games and competition.  For learning new things and laughing together. 

The beauty of nature and God's creation.

Sweet treats and time spent with my brothers and cousins.  Thank the Lord for dessert. 

The way my dad takes pictures :)  The way parents provide with love and concern.

Creativity and all that one is able to accomplish.  

Shopping with your bro and being silly together.  And for Black Friday sales. And no tax.  Go Portland!

Familiar faces in new contexts :) Family parties are only growing.

Roses. Enough said.

New additions to the family! For adorable puppies who melt your heart <3 We love Rembert!

The Source: A Shakespearean Sonnet

The sun shines from the galaxy above,

And Lo! The stars submit to its great light. 

Displayed as endless grace just like a dove

Released in freedom to the air in flight. 

Yet in the midst of light does darkness hide,

Deceiving those we cannot find the source. 

Confusion overtakes their weary minds:

Abandoned, roaming in the misty forr'st

To guide, protect, to love through good and bad,

To help us when the way cannot be found. 

The light redeems all fears and failures had

And to His name their lives will then be bound. 

So how can we show them just how to find

The Ruler and the Savior of mankind?

Don't Kill the Messenger

I am not the first to be concerned about being the bearer of bad news.  As the blind prophet, here solely to serve "our king and benefactor" (154), I come to offer my counsel as I receive messages from above. I have never once led him astray and he has "so far steered a steady course (152).  Oh, Creon! How he must have fallen to resort to such behavior as this!  I had previously warned him as well, cautioning that he stood "on razor's edge (152), yet he proceeded to deny the divination I received, too stubborn and proud to listen to the voice of the gods! It is not me who declares these words! "..all men fall into sin.  But sinning, he is not for ever lost/hapless and helpless, who can make amends and has not set his face against repentance. Only a fool is governed by self-will" (153).  My words are only to help Creon, not offend him (153).  Why doesn't he understand this?

Creon, how I wish he considered my message.  Instead, he claimed "my divination false" (154).  He even attacked my position as prophet, and I am now inclined to believe that "all kings...seek gain unrighteously (154).  I tried to warn him again and again. Teiresias, his trusted counselor!  I had hoped it would not come revealing the tragic prophecy I had heard, but alas, he would not heed the divine guidance.  At that point it wast too late and all was lost.  Nothing could alter this.  "The gods themselves [could not] do it" (155).  Creon, our king, brought this upon himself.  There was nothing more I could do as a counselor and nothing more our leader wanted to hear.  Now the entire city and "neighboring city will be goaded to fury against [him], for upon them too the pollution falls when the dogs and vultures bring defilement of blood to their hearths and altars" (155).  This is one case where I desire to say I could be mistaken, but the gods have revealed this to me, and that is how it shall be.

Passive-Agressive

Everyone has seen her; walking the halls with her shoulders slightly slumped, eyes fixed on the ground, a small smirk on her lips.  Everyone has heard her speak; sharing devotionals, praying for the school, in an awkward but heartwarming manner.  Everyone has heard her name; the well-known name that all feel the need to shout out rapidly: “KU-MA-SA-KA!”

That day was no different than the others; she drowsily journeyed from class to class, trying not to let her head droop for too long.  She quietly and studiously scribbled notes on a scratch piece of paper, worried she wouldn't remember anything the next day.  Her eyes lit up suddenly as she conversed with those she loves.  That’s what gets her through each day.  She laughed and giggled, like many girls do, but then there were moments when she seemed totally removed from the world, staring off into space, vital information going in one ear, then out the other.  Eyes fixated on the floor, her whole face seemed downcast and dejected.  Yet when a friend came up and asked “Are you okay?” she brushed it off and says with a smile, “Oh, yeah! I’m just tired”.    Immediately after doing so, she quickly turned away, mentally kicking herself for lying to the ones who mean the most her, but she never ends up bringing up the subject again. 

At 2:45 she let out a long sigh as the last chime of the bell sounds in each class.  Throngs of students poured out into the halls as she quickly becomes engulfed within the masses.  She slowly shuffled to her locker, maneuvering her way through the congested hallways.  Snatching her oversized bag, she trotted to the bathroom with dubstep in her head and a smile on her lips.  Game time. 

Sitting in the back of the room, she quietly observed her rowdy teammates while slowly eating her pregame meal.  She laughed with them, but always seemed removed from the whole scene, like an outsider looking in. 

She thoughtfully bandaged her fingers and ankles, carefully spreading ointment to protect her dry, cracked skin through the activity to come.  At 4:30, she plopped down on the cold bleachers, proceeding to shout out encouragements to the JV team, wondering if anyone really heard her.  This continued through their game, and they came out on top.  Now it was her turn.

Finally, her heart racing, she bursts through the tunnel of JV players, her face glowing with excitement, followed by her fellow teammates.  The lyrics “can’t hold us” blast over the speakers as that becomes her knew mindset.  Nothing can hold her back.  She comes alive in this art of a sport called volleyball.  With nonstop communication with her teammates, she yells out everything she sees as the team flows together like one unified unit.  Her timidity during the school day dissolves away as she strategically picks out the weak link in the line of passers on the opposing team.  She pinpoints the individual, takes a deep breath, and “ACE!” rings through the whole gym and she repeats the exhilarating process.  She serves the ball and the opponents pass it up and tip it over the two person block.  The passionate player sprawls out and hits the ground hard to pop the ball up, but misses.  She angrily smacks the ground as she gets up, fire in her eyes. 

As the team loses momentum and the game as well, she tries desperately to fire up her team to fight alongside her.  She rallies her teammates by giving a passionate pep talk and yelling at the top of her lungs as they cheer.  Unfortunately, the game was lost and the players, frustrated.  At the end of the night, our senior setter walks to the end line of the court to check out, leading her teammates, with her chin held high.

Brotherly Love: A Personal Statement in Progress

            As I plopped down to do my homework after an exhausting day full of school and sports, my brother cheerfully shuffled up to me with a light in his eyes.  I looked up to see him standing there, hands behind his back, trying to suppress a smile.  I was not in any mood to interact with him or even talk to anyone at that point and was going to tell him I had a lot of homework and things I had to do when he quickly pulled his hands from behind his back revealing a plush Pokémon character and five key chains of characters from the movie Totoro.  “I bought them from China for five dollars!” he exclaimed earnestly.  My mom sighed and laughed and proceeded to tell him that it is not necessary to announce details like that in the future.   I did not know what the Pokémon was, having not watched our favorite childhood television program in years, but it brought me great joy and a smile to my lips.  I gave him a hug and said thank you, and he sauntered away, humming some video game music.

            My older brother, Colby, was diagnosed with mild autism at a young age.  As his little sister, I did not fully understand what this meant until our later years growing up.  It does not affect him so much that you can tell just by looking at him that he has autism, but he has a difficult time discerning appropriate times for certain behaviors and picking up on unspoken social etiquette.  It hasn't been easy all the time, but he brings immense joy and variety into my family.

Throughout everything, he is always there.  Like constant in my life, he has always there to support me in everything I did ranging from dance recitals, to academic award assemblies, to the countless volleyball tournaments over these past five years.  No matter the outcome, he is always there to give me a pat on the shoulder and tell me “Great job Hannio”. 

His constant love has also shown me the most innocent heart that I have beheld, being torn and conflicted by the insensitive attitudes of those around him.  Without his sensitive spirit, I most likely would not have even noticed these small things such as harmful words that bother him so much.  His sensitivity has impacted me and I am now aware of the power of words and want to see the best in everyone, no matter what the circumstances.  I feel like I have been introduced to a whole new aspect of life that I wish more people could witness; but then come the hard days.

            I have a distinct memory in my mind of Colby sitting at the computer, staring at a blank Word Document for hours upon hours, trying to write an essay.  His condition made it especially challenging to express himself through words and analyze deeper implications in works of literature.  But year after year, he worked at it, and through countless hours of help from our Dad, he overcame his struggle and is now one of the most affluent writers I know.  The day he received a perfect score on an essay he wrote with absolutely no help was like a dream come true for our family.  By example, he has taught me to persevere through hardships and has shown me what hard work and dedication can do.  I desire to strive and succeed in whatever I do, using the gifts and abilities given to me to their full potential.

            Watching my brother struggle and flourish has softened my heart to care for those around me and has motivated me to work hard at everything I do. No matter what the outcome, I know that he, and my family, will always be there to affirm their love for me and say “Great job, Hanna”. 



Word Count: 647 :)
Please feel free to comment on anything to revise or fix, and even things you would want to see in this essay! Feedback would be very helpful. :)

Who Am I?

ISFJ

 I: 22%    S:1%    F:75%     J:1%

The "personality description" was surprisingly accurate and there were many things I do that I didn't realize, so that is good to keep tabs on from now on.  There were only two parts I didn't agree with (which I crossed out), but that's bound to happen in a quick little test like this.  Here are some of the descriptions which I felt very relevant to myself:


"ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life.

...although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well.
 Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem."


The only reason I disagreed with those two crossed out portions is because I personally did not agree with them; I don't expect a give-and-take relationship at all or feel an insatiable "need to be needed".  Also I would say that in I fight, I would be the first to rush in to protect a friend-no matter the circumstance.  That may be the oh so strong emotions motivating me or my disdain for disrespect.  Who knows, since I've never been in a fight before.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But now on to the Affirmation Solicitations!!
First off, I just want to say thank you to those who filled these out as it was a great encouragement and very helpful.

5 of my words were:
1. Understanding
2. Genuine
3. Maturity
4. Humble
5. Perseverant

"Over the years, Hanna has shown tremendous growth in her personal development, spiritual life, and leadership capabilities.  She has a natural, yet uncanny, sense of adaptability; Hanna is able to observe and gather information about her surrounding, peer environment, and social climate and assess needs, both the needs of those around her and her own needs to flourish and succeed.  This is one trait that is foundational to her growth as a leader.  What really makes her stand out is her ability to come alongside people and partner with them, to see the best in everyone and highlight that.  In all that though, Hanna has such a pleasant and humble spirit and such a heart for service.  She is all too ready to deter praise and acknowledge her human limitations, but that doesn't stop her from loving on people, and I believe that is a very rare kind of confidence."

This little litany (hehe) especially touched me because the individual didn't know I was going to read this and just thought it was for my teachers.  He may or may not have freaked out a little when he found out I was going to read it, but I'm all the more appreciative of his words knowing he was being honest (I hope....).

Sorry this somehow became insanely long but I appreciate if you read all the way through!! :)

Handing It Over

I was originally going to write about Bryce's topic, Christ making cottages into palaces, but I decided to change my quote and write about another aspect of the book that impacted me.  This quote comes from the 12th chapter called Faith.  It says:

               I know the words 'leave it to God' can be misunderstood, but they must stay for the moment.  The sense in which a Christian leaves it to God is that he puts all his trust in Christ: trusts that Christ will somehow share with him the perfect human obedience which He carried out from His birth to His crucifixion: that Christ will make the man more like Himself and, in a sense, make good his deficiencies...handing everything over to Christ does not, of course, mean that you stop trying.  To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says.  There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice.  Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him.  But trying in a new way, a less worried.  Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already.  Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you (147-148).

This quote, as long as it is, really impacted me because I have an especially hard time truly trusting Christ in the sense that I know that God has a plan for me, and I trust Him that it is the best plan since He knows me more than I know myself, but I still find it hard to not worry at all and give it all to Him.  It is so reassuring, knowing that I don't need to worry, yet I still get caught up and spend so much unnecessary time stressing over little things.

My doubtful thoughts and lack of faith prevent me from being able to let go and live my life out for Christ in the way I wish I could and the way that Lewis describes in this quote-right now, especially, with all the decisions I must make about college and my future.  Even the fact that I sometimes become "fed up" with the things of this world and wish God could just magically make everything come together without me having to work hard at it.  Take the SAT's for example, sometimes I wonder if I really need to spend all this time studying and stressing out over a little test that probably won't even matter where I am aiming to apply to.  I just wish I could skip the seemingly unimportant/worldly things in life, but I know I should do all things to the glory of God, and not man.  Even so, it is hard to remember.

It is not only hard to remember, but hard to do.  The quote says that we must try to do what he says.  Personally, I find it very difficult to discern what God wants me to do and what I am telling myself I would prefer.  Sometimes I don't know the difference between the two and get caught up in technicalities and details.  Or even some days may not have had the best start and I feel ashamed for not responding in a way that's glorifying to God, and that itself makes me angry and disappointed in myself for not representing Christ accurately (as we discussed in UTT).  This is one area I feel especially susceptible to the devil's lies and one area of weakness in my life.  I pray that God will strengthen me and give me confidence and faith the go all in for Jesus and trust Him with every aspect of my life!  And I'm excited to see the end result. I cannot even begin to believe I will be off to college in about a year!  One day I'll get to look back on this with a smile and know that God really did have the best plan for me in store.

The Dancer

            So my analogy was actually a picutre I received at a prayer session called "Original Design" where you meet with people you do not know and have never met and they pray and ask God to reveal to us what His original design was for our lives and what He has planned and dreamed for us to do.  During the session they received seven different sort of analogies for my design, but this particular picture really resonated with me and illustrates my life accurately. 



             The scene opened with a vast, dark and empty stage.  One dancer (that is me) comes out and starts her routine.  She is dancing on pointe (ballet) with a huge smile on her face and is glowing on that lonely stage.  As she dances, various individuals come and join her, and they dance together beautifully, in pairs and in groups.  She dances with all her heart and joy with all the people who continually pass through, but there is only one person in the audience, watching with a smile on His face, and that is God.




              The funny thing is, I never did ballet, but I always wanted to, and I'm  not very good at dancing, but I love it.  This picture really touched my heart because it really is true how I desire to live my life: only for God and his approval and not seeking what man deems "good".  The past few years have especially been a struggle in this area of fear of man vs. God and reminds me where I must keep my focus. :)

Litany: Revised

A Design

You are the rice and the cheese,

The maple candy and the sugar cubes.

You are the pristine ice reflecting the light

and the harsh salt water stinging every scratch.

You are the red turtlenecks during wintertime,
and the chickadees fluttering from tree to tree.

Although, you are not the pond in the forest,

the salted almonds on the table,

or the game of wizard.

And of course you are not the pollen-filled Spring air.

There is simply no way you are the pollen-filled Spring air.

It is possible that you are the boat in the bay,

perhaps even the seal with a ball on its nose,

but you are not even close

to being the blackberries in late summer.

A glance at your reflection in the water will tell 

that you are neither the bandages fallen at the side of the bed

nor the bike suspended in its bike rack.

It may please you to know,

speaking of the wonders of this life,
that I am the sound of cheering in the gymnasium.

I also happen to be the footsteps along the beach,
the constant prayers rising to the heavens

and the strawberry shortcake bar in the freezer.

I am also the western setting sun
and the sweet satsumas in each stocking.
But don't worry, I'm not the rice and the cheese,
but you are no longer these things either.
You are now the footsteps along the beach
and somehow, the sweet satsumas in each stocking.